Insults and Such

It has been too long since I last blogged, and unfortunately I do not have a finished novel, but I am much farther and have learned a great deal about writing and the joy it brings to my soul.

But I wanted to talk about an insult I received on Facebook. To start off the new year I had an old friend (and ex-boyfriend) add a comment to one of my photos that has since been deleted. It went something like this: "Just keep those hairy ape-arms hidden (sorry I remember that)."

Lovely, I thought. A grown man trying to take me back to my insecure days of elementary school. It is true. I have hairy arms, even started shaving my legs in 4th grade, and not because I hit puberty early. But I didn't shave or wax my arms because stubbly arms didn't sound very appealing and I wasn't too fond of pain at the time. But this was the one thing for which I was made fun of throughout my childhood.

It is interesting to hear the insult now, as an adult who knows a little more about life and who she is. I now realize that this is the most minor aspect of myself, and actually has some benefits that my husband doesn't complain about - a little extra testosterone in the system is not all bad.;)

But even more than that I realize that for someone to reach out and publicly publish an unkind comment there must be an issue, some hidden motive. If you've read my post on regrets with boyfriends, you know that he has plenty to fuel the ex-boyfriend fodder. But we've had perfectly civil conversations over the last several years, so I think something must have sparked some malice.

Here's my theory. He posted his insult on the day that my status update read:

"Celebrating 15 awesome years with Joel, praising God for his goodness."

Now this fellow, we'll call him Matt, is an atheist. A passionate, devoted anti-God atheist. I am not. I love God. I am forever grateful to Jesus for being my friend, savior and lover of my soul. Matt knows this, but I think that seeing my status angered him and he had to lash out in some way. I'm not sure, but that's my theory.

It's interesting because I've been praying for Matt to know God and his love, to feel the peace that can be his with knowing Jesus and the grace he offers. Matt was divorced a few years ago and I prayed for him through that time and like most of us, he has demons he is fighting. And so every time I think of him I pray.

And I'm afraid that my status update seemed like bragging:

"Look at me, 15 years! I have exclusive rights to God's goodness!"

Which is not what I meant at all. What I meant was:

"What an amazing miracle! I am a child of divorce (multiple, in fact). I was married at 21. We have lived on a shoestring budget since our wedding day and at times have not known how we were going to make it, trying to buy groceries for a family of 6 on $40 a week. All this to say that I am married against all odds and statistics. It feels like a miracle of God's goodness."

If, on the other hand, I had been divorced 5 times by now, God would be no less good. I might want to utilize some wisdom in future relationships, but God's goodness is not dependent on my circumstances. God is good. That is fact. And I have found that as I seek him, read his word and attempt to follow it, hang out with others who love God and share that love with people who don't, I tend to feel God's peace. I feel joy. And I see his goodness. I feel it as I share in it.

I don't know why God has been so good to me. I know he loves me and desires to give me good things, but I believe he feels that for all of his children. I know I had many years of loneliness and at times I feel like shouting that verse from the book of Joel (ironic isn't it?) that says that God will restore the years the locusts have eaten. Oh how he has restored them!

For our anniversary Joel got me a necklace that says simply, "loved." Because that is the most profound truth of my life.

I am loved.

I am loved.

I am loved.

How can it be?
How I wish that Matt knew how loved he is as well.