So, I have very realistic, but off the wall dreams at times, and last night was no exception. I dreamt that I was supposed to marry these two guys, not at the same time, but you know, in some dreamy alter-reality. Anyway, one of the guys was an old friend from high school who I never had any attraction to. The other was Vince Gill.
Don't know why. Again, no attraction to Vince, I don't even think about Vince Gill or listen to his music. About all I know is that he is married to Amy Grant, whose music I used to listen to. Anyway, I woke up a little freaked out, told Joel about it and felt the need to reaffirm my commitment to him. I really am happily married and don't want to be married to anyone else.
It's strange that most of my romantic dreams are with people like this that I have absolutely no attraction to in real life. The weirdest one was a few months ago when I woke up freaked out that I had made out with Al Gore in my sleep. I'm not even a democrat! I chalked it up to my passionate desire to be more green and save the planet.
In my wakeful state my dreams can be just as troublesome. I have this overwhelming desire to save the world. But I don't even know what that really means. I'm not some superhero who can fly around saving the day, though I guess I wish I could.
I want to make things better for people. Like in my job. I teach at an after school tutoring center for at-risk kids. I started this job last fall hoping to somehow save them from their troubled lives, from their anger, their poverty, their loneliness. I ended the semester feeling like an absolute failure.
During my time off between semesters I spent a lot of time trying to figure this out. How had I failed so miserably? I went in with good motives and left exhausted, frustrated and hopeless.
After much consideration and prayer I came to the conclusion that my goals were too lofty (no big shock to you, I'm sure). God is not asking me to save anyone. He's the only one who can do the saving. All he wants from me is to offer them some love, help and hope in a safe place for a few hours a day. It's not earth-shattering stuff, but it's what I have to give.
I just finished my first week of the new semester and feel not frustrated, not exhausted, but peaceful. I have that peaceful easy feeling (can you hear the song in your head?) I get when I do what God asks me to do, and leave the rest to him.
I still want to save the world, but I guess I'll leave that up to Al Gore for now.
