Time Away

So, hubby and I had our first vacation alone, with no kids, in over seven years. It was wonderful and refreshing and bizarre (more on that later).

But first I must tell you about our trip to Chicago to drop the kids off at Grandma's house. We left in late morning and before our drive even really began we hit our first detour (an accident prevented us from entering our highway). On our alternate highway we hit another detour that took us half an hour out of our way. And then in 90 degree heat we hit construction in Chicago. Did I mention we don't have air conditioning?

So, here we are in the fifth hour of our four hour drive when hubby notices that the van is beginning to overheat. We pull over to the cramped shoulder of the Edens Expressway in downtown Chicago, turn off the engine and wait for it to cool down. Of course, every second we are getting hotter - airflow is the key to staying cool when a/c is lacking. Trying to stay positive I turn around and ask the kids what they are looking forward to about going to Grandma's house (thankfully this keeps them from whining and focused on why we are subjecting them to this torture).

After fifteen minutes we think the car is cool enough and decide to keep going. Unfortunately, just as we begin to feel a cool breeze again, hubby sees that the thermometer is going up. The van is about to overheat again. Being the ingenious man that he is, he decides to turn the heat on. This draws hot air from the engine and blows it on us. Did I already mention it was 90 degrees outside?

So here we are crawling down the expressway, soaking in sweat when my husband (always the empathetic man) looks over at a guy all dressed in leather on his motorcycle and says, "Wow, he must be hot. That looks really uncomfortable."

Removing my foot from the scalding dashboard I look at the delusional man driving our van and say, "You know, hun, I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that we are probably the most uncomfortable people on this highway right now. We are driving with the heat on in the middle of JULY!!!"

I try to be supportive. I try not to complain. But I cannot take it anymore. Call me a twenty-first century wuss, but I need air conditioning in my vehicle.

Our 4 hour drive to my dad's took 6 1/2. By the time we got to my mom's, my nine-year-old had prickly heat all over his body. As I walked up to our room I felt the temperature rising and realized that my mom did not have her a/c on.

I cried.

That was all I could take. I tried to be gracious, but I suspect mom noticed the tension in my voice when I begged her not to turn the ceiling fan off (she had been reaching for the light switch in our room).

Eventually she turned the air on, I took a cold shower and all was well in the world. I just needed to gripe a little. Thanks for listening.

But 5 nights and 6 days away with my husband is an amazing thing. We couldn't believe that we actually had 3 years of this before the kids came along. It was so strange to have numerous conversations without anyone interrupting, butting in or causing some sort of catastrophe. And then to have no one else pulling at me, asking me questions or invading my space reminded me that we are in a challenging phase of life. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it is just plain hard some days.

We came home eager to be with the kids, refreshed and reconnected in the most wonderful way (did I mention the hot tub in our room? oh yeah).

Now we just need to set up our appointment with the mechanic...

Our Own Version of Survivor

The other night my husband and I went out for dinner and got into the most interesting conversation about what kind of reality show we would do, if forced to. I'd like to note that I have no actual desire to be part of any show, reality or otherwise, and have found from my own thorough research that being a part of a reality show is the second leading cause of divorce in Hollywood. Right after sleeping with your costar.

But our conversation was so entertaining that I thought I'd share it with you. This is how the concept evolved:

We were at the Olive Garden eating gelato and my husband was becoming more and more critical of the gelato with every bite (I, personally thought it was quite good). The problem is that not only is my husband a picky eater, but the first place he ever tasted gelato was in Italy. I do not believe that many things would taste better than gelato in Italy, but my husband is on some sort of quest to find American gelato that equals the Italian counterpart. He ignores my pleas to just fly me to Torino to taste the real deal myself.

Anyway, I started saying how Joel should be a food critic, as I'm watching him taste and furrow and explain how it's just not creamy enough. But, I realize that since my husband is such a narrow-minded eater (i.e. picky) he would have to be a very specific kind of critic. Here's where my grand reality show idea was hatched...

I suggested that Joel could critique cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes (his favorite go-to meal). He could travel from Seattle to Sedona, New Mexico to New York on a quest for the best cheeseburger and chocolate shake combo in the continental United States. Now this may have been done before, but not like this. We thought, how fun would it be to load our family of six (plus puppy, of course) into a big 'ol Winnebago and travel cross country for the whole summer tasting cheeseburgers, drinking chocolate shakes and taking in the sights?! Tell me this doesn't sound like must see t.v.

There are aspects of this that I would really enjoy -

1) I love to travel
2) I love adventures
3) I love taking my family on adventures (though as we plan for said adventures they tend to have pained expressions on their faces and whine like tortured puppies).

But, isn't that what makes reality t.v. so entertaining? We like to watch people suffer. You don't have to admit it, but I know it's true. It makes us happy to turn off Survivor and go to our soft cushy beds feeling smug as we drift off into a good night's sleep.

As with any reality show, you have to place enough conflict into the show to make it interesting, and while the six personalities in our family produce plenty of conflict on their own, what would make our reality show so entertaining is that:

1) My husband hates to drive, or really to travel at all

2) My kids are even pickier than my husband (my oldest was once quoted as saying, while at his uncle's house, "I only like macaroni and cheese made in Indiana." We make the best don't you know? (see previous entry for Gabe's approval of Michigan apples)

3) I am a person who needs her space and alone time regularly (picture me abandoning the RV on the side of the road to walk a few miles in my own head).

4) My kids are prone to car sickness (we keep barf bags handy on all our trips).

We could be on the travel/food channel showing the sights and watching Joel slowly gain 50 lbs as he eats a cheeseburger a day, and the kids make faces at whatever food is put in front of them. But, hey, I'd get to see the sights!

So now, doesn't this sound like something that Mark Burnett would produce for the CW?