So, this is it.
Today is my last day of freedom. My last day of choosing what I want to do with a portion of my day. The last day of heading out for groceries or a run or to meet up with friends without having to answer to my children. The last day of cleaning the house without little tornadoes of disaster in my wake. My last day of thinking complete thoughts without the interruption of "Gabe is touching my stuff!" or "Josh just fell out of the tree" or "Hope is crying and I don't know why."
This is my last moment at Starbucks to sit and sip my chai while reading and writing and studying to my heart's content.
Tomorrow the kids will be home from school for the summer and on Monday I start my first real full-time job in 13 years.
EEK!
I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I feel like it's my first day of kindergarten. I went shopping for "professional" clothes and found myself wondering if what I bought was right. I'm hoping that the people at my new job like me, that I will do a good job there, and that my family will be okay with this major transition.
I started looking for a job for the usual reasons: the need for money and insurance. But I think I found one that will be fun and challenging and kind of cool. I get to talk on the radio a little bit, though my kids are disappointed that it's not on their favorite rock station. I explained to them that mommy was taking this job to help our family while daddy finishes school. But I suspect I went a little too far when I expressed my pre-job concern that this year we may not have been able to afford Christmas presents. I personally think we could have had a perfectly lovely present-free Christmas, but I'm also not eight.
Last night Hope prayed, "And God, please help us have money so we don't have to be poor."
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my kids are scarred. Maybe my husband can do their therapy for free once he finishes school.
So, this ends a pretty amazing time of my life. I am forever grateful that I got to be home (mostly) full-time with my kids for the last thirteen years. I am thankful that my husband was willing to sacrifice a lot for me to be home for my family. And I am still amazed that I got to stay home this past school year, even while my kids were in school all day.
Besides some extra time to myself and connecting with friends that I love, I have had time to teach at a women's brunch, two retreats and a Mother's of Preschoolers group. I got to run with my puppy several times a week and spend hours letting my creative juices flow, studying God's word and working on a Bible study.
I went to Italy and got to hear a real Italian exclaim, "Mama Mia!" to my never ending delight, and share exotic food and the love of God with beautiful Chinese students, some of whom are now my sisters in Christ.
I was able to be home to nurse my kids when they were sick, to accompany them on many a field trip and to help out at their schools.
There were pressures and trials, in the midst of the blessings, that very nearly broke me. But God sent friends to help me through and seemed to promise that He is making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Soon we will be out of this trying time. Soon and very soon.
And so I face my fear of being away from home 40 hours a week and trust in God's unfailing love - that it won't fail me and it won't fail my children while I'm five minutes away in my office, but away none the less.
I will be strong and courageous like my hero Joshua, because just as He was with him, my God will be with me wherever I go.
