My Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Last week was not a good one. It began with tears, my own instead of Hope's this time. I woke up Monday morning unable to shake my sadness. I went for a run and as I prayed I started bawling. Apparently there were some unresolved issues I needed to work through with some friends. The hurt was overwhelming me, which then turned to anger.

I don't really like anger. It's ugly and impulsive and does all sorts of stupid things and then blames it on us. So I boiled and stewed and sent out a short email asking my friends if we could get together and talk. I knew my typical novelette of an email would only lead me to trouble. They responded promptly with a time to get together and I felt a little better. The cursing in my head subsided a bit and I considered making a list of grievances, but thankfully didn't.

Apparently this is what happens when you leave things unresolved for something like 10 years. One day some event triggers it and a flood of emotion, dammed up to overflowing comes flooding out. I don't really like these floods of emotion either (note my previous post on my control freakishness).

So, to recap, it's Monday, and I'm an emotional mess.

Then I took my daughter to the doctor where she failed a hearing test, in both ears, even though I thought her hearing had improved.

Discouragement on top of sadness.

Then I took my daughter back to school and discovered that I had taken her to the doctor during a special lunch time when she was to get pizza and cookies and sit on the stage to get a character award.

Complete failure as a mom on top of discouragement on top of sadness.

At this point I was thinking going back to bed and starting over in another hemisphere would be nice.

The week progressed.

The meeting with my friends on Thursday went well. I told them how I felt, minus the angry tirade, and then cried for over an hour as we hashed through the past. Apologies were made, explanations were given, friendship was reaffirmed, and then I left.

On Friday, my mom arrived. We headed to the mall to do some early Christmas shopping and while in our first store, perusing pajamas, I got a call from my son's school. He had lice.

Lice.

Deep breath...

So now my emotionally exhausting week turned into a physically exhausting weekend as we washed (and shaved some) heads, cleaned sheets, bagged stuffed animals and combed out nits. (I apologize if you are now scratching your head uncontrollably. I promise you can't get it through the internet.) By Saturday night I was pretty sure that every surface had been sprayed, laundered and deloused and I was done. Emotionally and physically DONE.

Mom left on Sunday morning and I had the opportunity to go to Starbuck's for a little chai therapy and journaling. It was wonderful. A few more tears were shed as I poured out my heart to God, but he gave me insight into where all the tears had come from and why. But he did me one better. He showed me that he saw all of my pain over all of the years, all of the sacrifice, and that he felt it, too. It mattered to him. And not only that, but there would be rewards in heaven for everything done for him. One day, he would make everything better. And so, after a very, very long week, I was comforted. I felt peace.

As I thought about what I needed for the coming week, I felt prompted to fast on Monday and then to gradually reintroduce foods throughout the week. Have I mentioned that I was eating my weight in Oreos to cope with all the stress of the previous week? I wondered if a little self-control on the food end of things might help me look to a higher power than Nabisco when tragedy strikes again.

And it has been awesome. Not only is my son's head no longer crawling with insects, but I feel so connected with God and able to do one thing at a time, prioritize my time without worrying about my list of 100 other responsibilities, and I've lost a few pounds (this in not the ultimate goal of fasting, but I'm pretty sure it was all Oreo weight that needed to be removed immediately). I feel like this fast has been a reboot for my body and my brain.

So, my terrible, no good, very bad week came to an end. God redeemed it and has given me a pretty wonderful one to follow it, and hey, I go to Milan in seven days!