First Day Separation

I just dropped my three boys off for their first day of school.

I now have one in 5th, one in 3rd, and my baby boy is entering 1st grade. Leaving Joshua in that 1st grade class was heartbreaking. Just a few days ago, at orientation, he was so excited that he kept running around the room, greeting all of his friends and talking way to loud. Today, as we walked down the hallway to his class, he started to rub his eyes. I didn't see any tears, but he kept rubbing both eyes to keep the tears from coming. "I think I'm just too excited," he said.

Or too scared, I thought.

But he put his brave face on, and went to his desk, ready to work. I said good-bye and then went to the door. The teacher was trying to get things started, but several of us parents were having a hard time leaving. I thought, this isn't kindergarten anymore, I probably need to go. So I stood at the door, lingering a bit longer, smiled at Joshua and then blew him a kiss. He stared back - no smile, no returned kiss, just a look in his eyes that said, "Don't leave me, Mommy."

I turned and walked away, my heart in my throat. I went down the long hallway, fighting back my own tears now. Remembering that I'm not just sad that summer's over, but that I don't get to play, read or snuggle with my kids anytime I want to now. They have to go to school and face things on their own. And for the first time, I have this urge to go back, snatch each of them out of class, tell them summer's not over yet, take them out for ice cream and then head back to the pool.

But I won't. And I'm pretty sure that they'll be fine. I think I will be, too. I'll be there to pick them up at 2:30, and then we'll go get ice cream and maybe even head to the pool. I may not get them 24/7 for a few months, but I'm thankful that they're still mine.