Our Own Version of Survivor

The other night my husband and I went out for dinner and got into the most interesting conversation about what kind of reality show we would do, if forced to. I'd like to note that I have no actual desire to be part of any show, reality or otherwise, and have found from my own thorough research that being a part of a reality show is the second leading cause of divorce in Hollywood. Right after sleeping with your costar.

But our conversation was so entertaining that I thought I'd share it with you. This is how the concept evolved:

We were at the Olive Garden eating gelato and my husband was becoming more and more critical of the gelato with every bite (I, personally thought it was quite good). The problem is that not only is my husband a picky eater, but the first place he ever tasted gelato was in Italy. I do not believe that many things would taste better than gelato in Italy, but my husband is on some sort of quest to find American gelato that equals the Italian counterpart. He ignores my pleas to just fly me to Torino to taste the real deal myself.

Anyway, I started saying how Joel should be a food critic, as I'm watching him taste and furrow and explain how it's just not creamy enough. But, I realize that since my husband is such a narrow-minded eater (i.e. picky) he would have to be a very specific kind of critic. Here's where my grand reality show idea was hatched...

I suggested that Joel could critique cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes (his favorite go-to meal). He could travel from Seattle to Sedona, New Mexico to New York on a quest for the best cheeseburger and chocolate shake combo in the continental United States. Now this may have been done before, but not like this. We thought, how fun would it be to load our family of six (plus puppy, of course) into a big 'ol Winnebago and travel cross country for the whole summer tasting cheeseburgers, drinking chocolate shakes and taking in the sights?! Tell me this doesn't sound like must see t.v.

There are aspects of this that I would really enjoy -

1) I love to travel
2) I love adventures
3) I love taking my family on adventures (though as we plan for said adventures they tend to have pained expressions on their faces and whine like tortured puppies).

But, isn't that what makes reality t.v. so entertaining? We like to watch people suffer. You don't have to admit it, but I know it's true. It makes us happy to turn off Survivor and go to our soft cushy beds feeling smug as we drift off into a good night's sleep.

As with any reality show, you have to place enough conflict into the show to make it interesting, and while the six personalities in our family produce plenty of conflict on their own, what would make our reality show so entertaining is that:

1) My husband hates to drive, or really to travel at all

2) My kids are even pickier than my husband (my oldest was once quoted as saying, while at his uncle's house, "I only like macaroni and cheese made in Indiana." We make the best don't you know? (see previous entry for Gabe's approval of Michigan apples)

3) I am a person who needs her space and alone time regularly (picture me abandoning the RV on the side of the road to walk a few miles in my own head).

4) My kids are prone to car sickness (we keep barf bags handy on all our trips).

We could be on the travel/food channel showing the sights and watching Joel slowly gain 50 lbs as he eats a cheeseburger a day, and the kids make faces at whatever food is put in front of them. But, hey, I'd get to see the sights!

So now, doesn't this sound like something that Mark Burnett would produce for the CW?