Counting Down (and Up)

Well, the countdown has begun! Only 15 shopping days until my birthday.

My mom has already taken me shopping for my birthday and it was no small miracle that I found three pairs of capris that fit perfectly. We agreed that we must buy them all, as this may not occur again until the next passing of Hailey's comet.

But I must say this birthday feels like a big one to me. It's not the looming 4-0 and I've already passed the momentous 3-0, but getting to the midpoint between the two seems significant. It means that I am getting older. . . still. Does it seem odd to anyone else that time never stops, never even slows down for us? I keep expecting it to, especially when my kids hit phases that I really love. But, in fact, it feels like time speeds up a little bit more every year.

I was doing some figuring in my head the other day, and if my math is correct, I will be turning 50 in just fifteen short years. That is a scary thought. I miss the days when fifteen was a lifetime (back when I was a 15 year-old). Of course, the reverse is that just fifteen years ago I was 20 - unmarried, childless and 20. It's clear that a lot can happen in 15 years, but the problem is that it is going by too quickly now.

To a 15 year-old, fifteen years is a lifetime, but as a thirty-something it goes by in a blink. I'm afraid that I will go to bed one night and wake up to find my nine-year-old towering over me and telling me he's found the love of his life - because he's become a 24 year-old man. And then I'll look in the mirror and see my sagging face and wonder what exactly happened while I slept.

I don't intend to turn into Rumpelstiltskin or anything, I just wish I could push the pause button on my life and take the time to really enjoy it.

I guess that's why I feel the need to have a huge party for my birthday this year. We are going way over the top, and I think it's because I need to remember that life is meant to be lived and celebrated and treasured, not just muddled through, cleaned up and survived. I can't make time stop, but for one night I can gather all of my friends, get dressed to the nine's, turn up the tunes and dance the night away.

And if I wake up the next day to realize that my life is half over and my kids are growing foot by foot, at least I'll know that I've taken the time to live.

**This has been deep thoughts with Leah, thanks for stopping by.**